(As an aside: It’s been a long week, but I’m actually in quite good spirits. But things like this just really, really piss me off.)

Not satisfied with localized bans (i.e., New York city) on trans fats, Nanny-Staters in the Massachusetts legislature have just upped the ante. They want to ban trans fats for the entire state of Massachusetts.

A key legislative committee yesterday approved a statewide ban on the use of trans fat at restaurants. The prohibition received the approval of the Joint Committee on Public Health, and the proposal will now advance for further review in the Legislature. The ban was championed by the committee’s chairman, state Representative Peter J. Koutoujian, a Waltham Democrat. “The tide is definitely turning toward the use of healthier cooking oils,” Koutoujian said in a statement. Trans fat, a staple of baked goods and fried food, has been linked to heart problems and is known to increase the bad form of cholesterol and lower the good type.

Thank you, Captain Ass-hat. You’re one step closer to “turning the tide” against people who eat things that other people don’t like. When can we start turning the tide on red meat — because, you know those fucking vegans can’t stand it. Can we “turn the tide” on sugar, simply because near-substitutes (e.g., splenda, aspartame, etc.) exist? “Turn the tide” on butter in favor of margarine (something no self-respecting cook would ever do)? Can we “turn the tide” on Coca-Cola because we have Diet Coke? Can we “turn the tide” against Ford automobiles because we know that Volvos are safer?

Enough already!

You can’t be happy just not eating trans fats, yourself. No, I can imagine you now — like Ben Stiller’s character in “Dodgeball,” shamefully stroking off with a piece of pizza — not happy unless nobody is happy. Goddamn it, if you can’t eat it (or if it’s unsafe for the children, or if some people abuse it — the psychological projection doesn’t need to be entirely internal) then nobody ain’t gonna eat it.

And if you haven’t figured it out by now, Mr. Koutoujian, you’re a serious part of the problem. The only tide that needs turning is yours; the one that’s eroding every last one of our personal liberties.