Recent reports on lawsuits filed against the Army Corps of Engineers in the wake of Hurricane Katrina are nothing short of monumental. Several claimants are seeking a billion dollars in damages. On ass-hat, however, takes the cake:

Hurricane Katrina’s victims have put a price tag on their suffering and it is staggering including one plaintiff seeking the unlikely sum of $3 quadrillion.

One Baton Rouge based economist says “I understand the anger. I also understand it’s a negotiating tactic: Aim high and negotiate down.”

So here is an open letter to the petitioners:

Dear Petitioner(s):

Asking for three quadrillion dollars is hardly a negotiating tactic. If this suit garners more than a quick toss into the circular file, it will be too much.

Every penny spent defending frivolous suits, like yours, comes from the pockets of ordinary tax-paying Americans, many of whom live nowhere near New Orleans. Moreover, every penny paid to claimants like you, ultimately comes from the pockets of the very same ordinary tax-paying Americans. It is important to remember that these ordinary tax-paying Americans were compelled to subsidize the existence of New Orleans and its suburbs, hence subsidizing the lifestyle to which you grew accustomed, through the Army Corps., which was from the get-go charged with the impossible task of preventing catastrophe in a region where catastrophe is known to frequently occur.

The proximate cause of the vast amount of pain and suffering for which claimants are petitioning is not the hurricane(s) which destroyed their livelihood. It is the morale hazard associated with living in a disaster-prone locale, one where the only predictability is that the disasters are essentially unpredictable, and hence, uninsurable. But petitioners lived there because someone else was footing the bill. And now that it’s come full circle, they’re asking for someone else to bail them out.

We subsidized the existence of your city. We paid for your levees. If you had flood “insurance,” we provided the lion’s share of it. We paid for your evacuation. We are paying for your reconstruction, and we continue to subsidize your “insurance,” so that you can afford to continue living in an area where nobody should’ve lived to begin with. And you have the stones to petition us for three quadrillion dollars? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

If we had never been taxed to susidize it, you’d never have lived there. Never have lost everything. I’m sorry you believed the lies, and I’m sorry for your losses. But it’s not my fault that I wasn’t taxed enough to prevent it in the first place, and it shouldn’t be my responsibility to fix what’s broken. If you still don’t get it, you are not merely part of the problem — you are the problem; everything that’s wrong with a world full of people who refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and their own lives and their own fortunes or misfortunes.

You’re welcome. You’re welcome for everything the rest of us have done for you throughout the years. You’ve never thanked anyone for it, because you’ve been told all along that it’s something to which you’re entitled. And this is how you repay us?

Sincerely,

David Z