As an avid snowboarder and sometimes skier, I frequently find myself upset on the slopes, or more specifically, in the lift lines and on the chairlifts. Because I ride primarily in Michigan, and almost exclusively on weekends and holidays, I’ve grown accustomed to long lift lines. I understand that this is an unavoidable phenomenon unless I’d be willing to pay significantly more than the usual $35 to $50 on a lift ticket for Michigan slopes. Which I’m not. I’ll drop $70 to ride in Utah, or Colorado, or British Columbia, or Nevada, but those mountains are much bigger than our hills – so much bigger that the quality of a day’s ride dominates the price differential.

But what really chaps my ass is people who fall off the chairlift – either while getting on, or while disembarking. I’ve been snowboarding and skiing for 15 years – and to my knowledge, I’ve never fallen off a chairlift. When people do this, it causes the Lifty to stop the chair. Sometimes this happens 2 or 3 times on one ascent. These people cause net negative externalities to their fellow mountain-goers, and because they don’t bear the full burden of these costs, I speculate that the incidence of “people falling off chairlifts, or failing to properly load/unload” happens far more often than it would if they were forced to pay a penalty for their actions. So I would propose a Pigouvian tax of sorts, or, if you prefer, an asshole tax.

Now, since most ski areas are privately owned and operated (with a few exceptions), I realize that this isn’t really a “tax,” per se, but I think the principal is the same. And it doesn’t even have to be a monetary penalty – although this came up in discussion with my friend B-rad this past weekend, who advocated among other things, forefeiture of one’s lift pass, or a milder penalty for small children of perhaps $5 or $10. I would propose that the offenders be sent to the back of the line – which is often long. Are the lines long enough to make people think twice about paying attention while the chair sweeps under their asses? I don’t know, but at the very least, it would provide a modicum of retributive justice for all the curmudgeonly skiers and riders, like myself.